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Oscar Night! 2011 / Rated L for Long, really, really Long but shorter than past years.

Every year the Motion Picture Academy of etc, etc. gets together for a big night of self-congratulation and partying. In order to win and make a speech, the “A” List is forced to buy or rent expensive clothes and jewelry and sit through the show. One of the most fun things to watch is the last second scramble back from the restrooms when the Oscars return following a commercial break.

Each year prior to the show the Academy sends me a list of every movie made and all the award categories. I do my duty and mark the nominees and send it back. About 2 weeks later I receive the official list and pick the winners. Then, on the big night, I put a red rug between the couch and the potty, dress up in clean blue jeans and make sure my T-shirt is the one without any holes in it, open up a bottle of beer and enjoy the show. Now that the brew is downed and the brouhaha is over, here is what happened, at least the parts I was awake for.

First off Oscar show congratulations are in order. Not for content, which was mostly boring, but for relative brevity. Coming in at almost lightning like speed, the show ran only 3 hours and 11 minutes before the credits rolled up. This means the show was not only the shortest in Oscar TV history but it beat the prior shortest show, the 1958 broadcast, by a stunning 11 hours and 38 minutes. The 1999 show is still in progress.

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After a relatively entertaining opening sequence with the hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway the show moved on to its usual long speeches with piano playing and full orchestral movements to give the winners a clue that they might be going on a tad too long. Lincoln’s Gettysburg address was a full 35 minutes shorter than a few of the evening’s long reviews of people to thank.

Appearances during the night that were highlights included actors Kirk Douglas (95 this next December) and Eli Wallach (who will be 96 two days before Kirk’s birthday). Eli is still active in films. Rumor is that he may take over the role of James Bond in 2012.

Other highlights include composer and songwriter Randy Newman winning his 2nd Oscar after 20 nominations, and The King’s Speech taking Best Picture. And, it was nice to see the attire (tux’s and gowns) live up to the extravaganza this is suppose to be.

Lowlights include many of the evening’s female hairdos topped by Scarlett Johansson and Halle Berry who both looked like they Gorilla taped flypaper to the end of a metal stick, waited for an electrical storm, then beat themselves on the head for 20 minutes to obtain their dos.

The hosting job needs a makeover. Make that a make back. Using younger and generally not very funny or clever actors as Oscar hosts makes about as much sense as choosing a guy who was primarily a community activist to be President of the USofA. Bring back Billy Crystal, in more than a short spot on the show itself.

Overall an average Oscar show, it will be available on both Bluray and standard DVD formats in 16 disk sets which will include all the out takes of Best Supporting Actress Melissa Leo’s profane speech without the sound edits.

Last and best highlight was the winner for Best Live Action Short film, God of Love. Luke Methaney accepted his Oscar in an unpressed black suit (no tux) and a mistied tie and he sported a hairdo of his own that looked like a Harpo Marx wig from 1932. He was obviously not thought of as part of the “A” List. They should have used him as host.

Rated 2.0 for 2 long and 2 boring with 2 few highlights. I 2 will be back next year for more.

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