No question about it: I must hire a receptionist.
There are few people who come to see me, so I could probably continue with my current “Take a Number” system visitors use to assign themselves a position on the waiting list. (I’m currently serving No. 6.) And, come to think of it, I may not have room for a receptionist, since I do not have a formal reception area, which means my visitors have to wait in the coat closet, which has been pretty cramped recently with hardly enough space for the never-ending stream of process servers who, for some reason, continue to arrive at my door. (And yes, that’s Dog the Bounty Hunter who is stuffed behind my genuine nutria fur sport coat. A really sweet guy when you get to know him.)
Despite all these logical reasons not to hire a receptionist, I’m still going to do it. Why? Because the heart wants what the heart wants, and what this heart wants, apparently, is love.
Yes, I know. A romance between a lowly but lovely receptionist or secretary, and a powerful, handsome, ruler-of-the-universe-type senior manager is fairy tale material, but the fairy tale may be fairly real if a recent survey conducted by SeekingArrangement.com is to be believed.
As I recently learned in a somewhat breathless email from Brook Urick, the dating site’s public relations manager, “28 percent of 44,512 male bosses surveyed admit having an inappropriate relationship with their secretaries.”
Apparently, SeekingArrangement.com did not conduct a similar survey with the secretaries in question, and I suspect that if they did, the response would be somewhat different, as in 28 percent of male bosses reporting an affair and 99.9 percent of secretaries reporting, “Are you kidding? He’s repulsive.”
Further details of the survey show that while 28 percent of male bosses claim to have had an affair, “25 percent reported they had not slept with their secretaries — but would if given the chance.”
While this is not a particularly shocking result, it could be very good news to young, beautiful secretaries and receptionists who are dreaming of an affair with the elderly, portly, slobbering managers who drool over them. Yes, it could be possible for you to bag one of these losers. At least, you have a 25 percent chance.
No matter how many of our workmates are having actual affairs, the question arises as to whether or not underling-overlord romance is a net positive or not. As you might expect, the management of SeekingArrangement.com sees such relationships as beneficial to both parties.
“It’s common practice to hire an attractive receptionist,” says Brandon Wade, founder and CEO of SeekingArrangement.com. “Combine that with the aphrodisiac of power, and we get professional relationships with sexual tension. Releasing that tension can make for a more productive workplace, or lead to a confusing mix of emotions.”
At the risk of being considered unromantic, “it” can also lead to sexual harassment suits, divorce, alimony, child support, pregnancy and some very groovy gossip, as word spreads through the workplace like a particularly virulent STD. But, hey, why be negative? A workplace romance can also lead to great joy and wonderfully successful marriages. Successful, at least, until the receptionist gets promoted to the position of wife and mother, and the manager husband goes back to focusing on what he does best — romancing the new, younger, even more attractive receptionist who took his wife’s place.
Despite the obvious problems with a workplace romance, you may still want to add your name to the 3 million members of SeekingArrangement.com. As the email I received explains, it is the “leading Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby dating site.” This is important information, since it really isn’t efficient for you to continue to spend hours on second-tier Sugar Daddy-Sugar Baby dating sites.
What may set SeekingArrangement.com apart is that it “redefines the modern Sugar Daddy as a mentor, sponsor, and benefactor who is always respectful, generous, and seeking to empower others.” With such wonderful benefits accruing to the lucky Sugar Babies, it’s difficult to know what the Sugar Daddy gets from the deal, except, of course, for the inner satisfaction of helping another person.
But let’s face it: The working world is full of selfless executives, and that’s why I’m registering to be a Sugar Baby. With benefits like that, I may not be able to hire a beautiful receptionist, but with a little diet and a lot of Botox, I could be one myself.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial Planning in Sausalito, California. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at firstname.lastname@example.org.