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Battleship / Rated PG-13 for language, violence, destruction, ugly aliens and more destruction. Lots more.

Battleship was a game predating World War I that was played on paper with pencils. No one is sure who started this game and even less care so I have decided not to reveal the name of the first two people (both men) to play this game. In 1967 Milton Bradley came up with the board game. The 2012 film, Battleship, is based on the board game. The two men whom first played this game, who I have not mentioned, appear in brief cameos somewhere in the movie.

It seems as if relatives of the aliens that attacked us in Battle Los Angeles (2011) have now arrived on Earth. We are not sure what they want, but they come armed to the fangs and are ready to kill. They land their ships in the Pacific Ocean near Hawaii and it appears they are attempting to take over the tourist industry. At the same time they arrive, the US Navy and the Japanese Navy are together at sea for joint naval maneuvers. Soon the practice sessions turn to an all out war. The aliens have awesome weapons and armor clad soldiers. They do not like humans since all the movies they have seen show the humans winning the battles – which, in reality, would always turn out just the opposite.

What follows is two hours of special effects, which are a lot like those in the Transformers series. Canadian actor Taylor Kitsch is the young officer about to be kicked out of the Navy for misbehavior even though he dreams of being an Admiral. He also dreams of marrying the current Admiral’s, played by Liam Neeson, daughter. LN wants to help get TK out of the Navy and thinks TK has a better chance of marrying one of the aliens than his beautiful blond daughter. TK was most recently in John Carter as the title character. His performance this time is far less wooden, although a few splinters still stick out.


In the face of overwhelming odds, the American and Japanese sailors team up and defeat the enemy. I am not giving anything away that you cannot figure out for yourselves. The film is full of clichés and corniness. It is as predictable as a lie coming out of the mouth of a politician. Even so, this film has mind-blowing effects. The battle scenes are state-of-the-art and great fun to watch. Although the eventual ending is predictable with the 50s sci-fi monster film ideas that permeate the plot, it is an entertaining and uplifting film. Lousy alien scum. I hope this time they learn their lesson, but I have my doubts.

Rated 3.0 out of 4.0 more alien films on the way. Next up the Ridley Scott prequel to Alien (1979), Prometheus. Sigourney Weaver will not be on hand to save us this time.


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